Hello,
I want to take this opportunity to thank everyone who has bravely sent in such painful and heartfelt letters. It is never easy to write about the emotional abuse of your children.
As you know I am a parent who has lived with PAS and not a professional. It is this reason and the pain of having to relive my own grief that cautions me from contacting all of you.
Through my website you can find resources that will hopefully be of some help. If anyone has any updated information whether it be research, articles, books or personal experience please write to me. Your voice is heard.
I have been asked to be a guest speaker at The Canadian Symposium for Parental Alienation Syndrome in Toronto. The dates are March 27th through to 29th, 2009. My book, A Kidnapped Mind will be available at the conference as a gift from The Dash Foundation.
Thank you again, from the bottom of my heart,
Pamela
1 comment:
Pamela,
I wanted to give an update on my situation. I last wrote in your forum on June 4th 2007 "What Now?". Shortly after I wrote I found out that my son was admitted into the Children and Adolescent Mental Health Unit at VGH. There he was assessed by a team of professionals for six weeks who kept a 24 hour watch on him. For the first time in almost two years I was finally heard! The professionals there listened to me without judgement, even though they had been told by the father that the reason my son was suicidal and homicidal was because of the horrific 'abuse he faced at the hands of his mother'! They listened and then they observed. They observed the fathers visits and encouraged me to come and see my son and share with them my experiences. I went to the hospital for 5 weeks, 2 to 3 days a week, 2 to 4 hours a day and patiently waited for my son to come to me. I went at opposite times of the father so that my presence would not be influenced by loyalty or betrayal. But my son never came to me. My daughter often joined me in my attempted visits. (She was rejected by her brother because he was told it was her fault the family fell apart.) We would sit in a big room in hopes that my son would choose to come and see us. But he wouldn’t come near. Occasionally he would pass by with his group classes and we could catch a glimpse of him but he would not make eye contact. He eventually reached out to his sister by passing notes under a door and one time he sat at a table with her amongst other children while they all played with the gifts I had brought for him.
It was there that I realized the extent and severity of my sons situation. I was absolutely positive he would come to me when his father wasn't around...but he didn't. Thank God the staff recognized the truth. They felt that my sons life would be in danger-that he actually could commit suicide-if he was placed back in his fathers care. My son was apprehended by MCFD and placed in foster care where he has remained for the past 17 months. His father and I are allowed supervised visits only. All the people that are involved in my son's life now are helping me to rebuild my relationship with my son. I am now able to see him for short periods of time with joy. My daughter has been able to have overnight visits and my parents finally got to spend a couple of hours with him for the first time in almost 3 years! It's been a long road and it will be even longer still but at least we are on the mend. Hopefully soon we can get some therapy so that my son can start facing what happened to him and we can be close again. As odd as it sounds I have been lucky that my situation was so severe. The Father wanted to 'prove to me' how badly I had hurt our son and spent two years taking him to doctors, psychologist, psychiatrists, counsellors, hospitals etc. saying that our son was depressed, fearful, unable to eat or sleep and eventually suicidal in an attempt to ’prove how much I hurt him’. He was the one who pushed and pushed to get my son admitted into VGH! I am very grateful he went. If my son never got admitted there I could have lost him forever.
I will be entering a 10 day trial to fight for custody of my son. (Currently MCFD has temporary custody.) At the trial there will be 3 applications for custody; mine, the fathers, and the current foster parents. I do not have legal representation as I cannot afford it. Can you recommend a plan or give suggestions on how I might address the judge?
Also, can you recommend a counsellor who is experienced in this area to counsel us (PoCo area)?
I would appreciate any feed back.
Thanks again for sharing your experience with your son and for the work you have been doing to raise awareness about PAS to this generation. I would also like to encourage others to never, ever give up. Our fight needs to bring awareness to professionals who can recognize this abuse and help us stop it and save our children!
Sincerely,
Tracy
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